Have you seen this criminalistic turtle slowly roaming the roads near your home? If so please contact me immediately so I can settle a score with him......or her. See, today during my time trial efforts I made an unscheduled and unselfish stop to move this slow-assed bastard from the road. Earlier in the ride I had moved a more grateful version of these prehistoric shelled road creepers but all appreciation levels ceased during my encounter with said turtle pictured below. As I cut my time trial effort down upon reaching this shelled speed bump mounted in the road, I hit the brakes and turned around for my second rescue effort of the day. Calmly approaching this unrapidly moving dinosaur I reached down with my left hand to pick it up by its apparent protective shell. I received the complimentary hiss upon lifting and then was shockingly pee'd on all over my left shoe and sock. This turtle showed an uncanny ability to shoot a 90 degree right angle shot at me. The sudden surprise of cold turtle pee only showed me that it may be ungratefulness that gets them hit by cars, not a lack of speed.
The knee is healing, but still has deep bruising, after the realized error in a somewhat local bike shop in selling me the wrong version of a recently changed orthodic. Said bikeshop will be named in full if they do not return my phone call by noon tomorrow. Unprofessionalism so far is the name of their game. Lets see if they salvage themselves tomorrow.